The cog turns

This is another round of catchup blog before the festivities start again this coming weekend. After this we can get some of the silly antics fresh in my mind and onto text for your enjoyment.

New Characters

Well with a TPK comes the session of new characters.

The elven mage of the original group decided to become a human mage. But she also decided to take on a suggestion and aim for the blood mage specialty path in the long run. I think this is a fun class myself.

The druid managed to get away and still exists. But the player was no longer able to turn up due to being an actor (please refrain from rolling of ones eyes). But he is important for he makes his return this coming session.

The player who plays Gretchin also came back and decided that Gretchin was to much fun to play and continued on with her shenanigans.

The rogue Valhalla became a rogue/fighter combination and went melee rogue instead of cross bow rogue. SHe has loved the new combo and the increased kickassidness.

And my favourite (Yes im playing favourites). Allisdair the Cleric Necromancer. Reason why this is my favourite is she chose him to have a French accent.

The fire temple

This adventure i have run before, in fact a lot of the stuff i have done with the girls is stuff I've used before. So the adventures have different stories from different groups.

This is a pure dungeon crawl, i built it in mind with creatures that could survive being locked inside a temple for 1000's of years.

This is a long dungeon and went over two sessions so ill do some summaries.

It started as an overland trek. On the journey they came across an abandoned village that was home to hobgoblins and an ogre. Since hobs were tactically minded i was able to play them with some smarts.

But the players holed themselves up in the watch tower and it became a tactical fight. Gretchin, being gretchin, when a bunch of hobgoblins were at the base of the tower breaking in, jump from the top of the tower in the middle of the gobs and got to use her Whirlwind attack to great effect.

Unfortunatly to much damage was sustained prior to the jump and gretchin fell, the mage fell from the top to arrow fire. The cleric/necromancer was being played by me and i tend not to use them much except for cross bow attacks. The rogue/warrior was doing well but suffering against sheer numbers.

In the end i didn't want another TPK in their first new character session so i made the necromancer animate some zombies to save the day. They were real close to killing them but also real close to dieing so the zombies just tipped it into their favour.

They then healed up and moved onto the temple...

• Killed a manticore who nested out the front of the temple on one of the upper balconies. Forgot to loot the nest till almost the end of the game where i GM nudged them.
• There were two stained glass windows players could enter through. One was broken. The unbroken one was a glass golem. The first group i ran through this managed to kill the glass Golem but it tested them. The girls did not have the ability to kill the golem but they played with it long enough to figure out its pattern and know how to leave it alone.
• I watched the best paranoia from having a grey ooze sitting inside a fireplace. This led to a run around the entrance room with a ooze and golem in tow. They did get the two to fight however and i was chuffed at this turn of events.
• The cleric had a chance to control a really uber undead and failed twice on turn attempts. It was smashed by Gretchin after that.
• Encountered a chain golem
• Again, like before, the other party, when i wrote this, almost TPK'ed on the chain golem.
• These girls just seemed to have the right stuff, as well as a Gretchin with a two handed sword and even with the damage reduction just wiped the floor with it. Gretchin did fall and almost died but the others were able to save her.
• Encountered a wraith, killed that
• Encountered a spell ghoul but again killed that and his cronies

They finished the dungeon and managed to come away with lots of loot and a Staff of summoning flame elementals.

Again i am sorry for the lack of shenanigans in these posts due to it being so long ago.

After this i will make sure all the girly, newbie shenanigans are witnessed in full for your entertainment.

Restart

So i started this blog with full intentions but life got in the way. Not only for me writing this but for the group itself and we have not played for almost a year now.

But they want to play again and this time i am going to keep the antics preserved in this format known as the blogisphere, or possibly twitter as the girls are all addicted to it.

Catch up
Lots happened...


Went to an inn, got paranoid, found some bandits, killed said bandits. One of the bandits was also one of the men in the said Inn. He was stripped nekkid, tortured for information by having sex with the bard (I aint kidding). Kicked some doors in and looted the bandits hideout. Let the guy go.

Met a traveling circus on their way back. The owner was some Texan with a shotgun (With the accent i put on its the logical conclusion even without Texas and a shotgun). Killed a dire tiger and owl bear...just.

Death of a salesmen, bard, thief, mage and cleric
Then the girls managed to find a mission to stop these slave traders.

They started by finding out that slaves from the Ikardi quarter of town were being taken in the night. Since the town is a boom town and the local kingdom forces were hard pressed keeping order and the Ikardi had little value in slaves lives most of this was not advertised. But the player talked to the slaves and found out about the night time slavers.

The slavers were a simple bunch of level 3 rogues with a level 5 leader. What i also used with a level 3 flame arrow spell on the group to produce 50 arrows that did an extra 1d6 damage. This proved to be rather effective in causing damage but they managed to get the group mostly killed. Those that lived were followed back to their lair.

This part i call the gambler, knowing when to hold em, know when to fold them or in this case knowing when to run and knowing where to attack.

The rogue of the group, Valhalla snuck up on the house the remaining rogues were in and opened the door. Unfortunately the rolls all didn't go in her favour and the head of the organisation quick shot an arrow to her causing a crit hit.

This scared the players and they decided it wasn't worth going in to fight and come back later.

Before they made this decision i had already surmised that they would not stick around, as they had be made. Since they had enough slaves to do their dealings they left town. So when the players came back with additional resources the rogues were gone. But i planted enough evidence for them to follow a trail along a river going north. Nothing concrete but enough to keep going.

They wandered into the forest and found an orc encampment. This i put here on purpose to give them something to annihilate and get some extra loot since they had not quite as much as they should of for their level (level 5ish at this stage).

200 orcs in the encampment were quickly decimated by the flying, fire balling wizard, deft archer rogue Valhalla, The mighty warrior Gretchen, Birabella the druid and master of the forest and the cleric of Pelor "Bulls Strength".

Finally they met up with the rogues who were also trading the slaves to some lizardmen. In earlier editions of dnd lizardmen had a taste for human flesh. So i wrote this game with that in mind. Human slaves are being traded for amethyst gems being mined by the lizardmen.

Since the lizardmen were essentially neutral to the party this allowed the Bard to be a rare bonus in the group and started to cast song magic to keep all of the lizardmen out of the impending fight. This worked and allowed me to reduce the numbers from 30 enemies to just 6.



The enemies were 4 standard rogues at level 4, the leader who was a level 7 fighter and decent armour and the female mage who was level 6. I gave them enough information so they knew what these guys were.

Also one other note. The person who played Gretchin had not turned up for quite a few sessions so she was not available.

Combat started...

The mage of the players was first of the initiative rank. She was 5th level and enough int to memorise 2 3rd level spells. I have a mage spell combo that i play and that fly and fireball. Go fly and your almost immune to melee attacks, cast protection from arrows to avoid most missile damage and then rain fiery death on those below.

So this mage also took my suggestion for this spell combo.

And this is why i love the newbies. Most experienced players would of gone the fireball option knowing it could probably take out 3 of the 4 rogues, hurt the warrior badly and potentially kill the mage and make the fight pretty darned easy.

This mage however stuck to the combo and cast fly as the first combat spell.

The mage amongst the enemies knowing she was a spell caster and a major threat knew what to do to remove it. I cast lightning bolt at the elven mage. She failed her save and i rolled well for damage. This killed the player mage outright.

With the major spell DPS out of the picture for the party it was looking grim. The cleric of the group did his normal and went into the combat fray. He suffered a lot of damage at the hands of the enemy warrior and eventually fell.

The druid tried to circle silently around the enemies. This was going to take a few rounds so once the druid was in position to do something the rest of the party looked pretty bad. The druid cut his losses and left the party (and looted the mage in the process).

Finally the cleric, bard and rogue were webbed and after that it was a forgone conclusion.

TPK

New introductions

So the end of the road for the goblins and the party's first adventure.

I gave the players to option here to change their characters and have a go at something else. This unfortunately took up a bit of time in this session and made it a bit harder to get things done.

So the Barbarian has now become an Elven Mage.
The ork warrior Gretchin has become a Swashbuckler cat person (races of the wild)

A 5th person has been introduced into the group being a fiancée of the bard, being that he had long hair and man boobs he qualified as part of the group.
He was also going to be a cleric so made the party's life a little easier.
Little bugger also rolled awesome stats.

anyway...

The party had a few loose ends to tie up before the transition. First and foremost the party had to deal with a charmed goblin leader. This was a simple tie up job of the leader despite the hugs he wanted from the bard.

Secondly we had to see what would happen to the women and the children, otherwise known as the looting. They found a locked chest that contained a contact poison, luckily the rogue found it before being affected. She opened the lock and the party proceeded to loot the contents.

Luckily for the goblins it was pretty decent loot.

Well that is out of the way time to head back to town.

On the way out the party saw on the horizon a group of people coming towards them. Within moments they understood it was the other party coming to complete the mines.
Wanting to hide the loot from the approaching party in case they decide to rob them the Bard came up with the idea of the jingling rocks with gold in them to be illusioned into goblin skulls.

Everyone carries around a chest full of goblin skulls right.

The other party approached the players and asked them what they were doing. The players try to convince them that the mines weren't finished and that they could head there and complete it.
Since the skulls in a chest looked a little suss, and the rolls weren't that good and the players were leaving the mines reasonably intact the girls saw that it wasn't quite working as well and went for female plan B.

Cry...

Putting on the water works about how cute the little goblins were and that they couldn't bare to hurt them...yadda, yadda the other "Male" adventurers just kinda wanted to get away from them.

They hadn't given me time to describe the adventurers, just wanted to look after their loot.
So with them moving off it was a chance to actually see the other party.

A human warrior decked out in typical armour and weapons.
Another human warrior with a heavy mace and some sort of holy symbol.
A half elf in light clothes...

Bard: (Almost immediately) Well hello...(Rowr!!)
Half elf: Er hi...
Bard: What you doing in a place like this...
Half elf: er um, nothing.

A man with a foppish hat and a mandolin on his back in the group...

Bard: (Shoves Half elf aside) How you doin?
Bard: Very well my lady, how you doin?

Some where i managed to get in a dwarf wearing leather armour but they weren't interested in him. Somewhere in the conversation the players confessed that the goblin mines only had women and children left and a tied up goblin leader, it wasn't worth going into.

So back to town the players go.

Some upkeep had to occur, getting the reward from the owner of the mine. This required some days to pass to verify that they had done what they actually said they would.

Sell of the rocks with gold in them.

Find something new to do.

Since new players and character changes were occurring they had to be also introduced. Once of the themes of this town is a very dead wood feel without the guns. So a human culture called the Ikardi existed on town on the eastern edge. They have set up a rather large tent village. The Ikardi are very much western Asian, very Mongolian in their look. They also have a lot of slaves in their midst from either indentured service or from conquering small fiefdoms. The kingdom people don't take to kindly to the slavery the Ikardi impose but the culture of the Ikardi see the slavery as a part of life. As a result it creates a invisible separation between the two people.

This is why they now have the foo man choo moustaches on many of them.

The players decided to wander this part of town to have a look around. The rogue saw it as an opportunity to pick some pockets.

The Ikardi tent village is also quite a large flea market. Even the new player as the Ikardi cleric still acted like a merchant trying to sell priestly wares and good fortunes.
(In the form of fortune cookies from coles)

The bard decides it might be best to chat with the cleric to see if he is free to join them on their quests. After consulting a fortune cookie decides to join the party.

The change over character was changing from Gretchin the mighty half orc warrior to...

Puss in boots...

It was rather easy to show out a cat person in a place full of humans. So the others watched the cat person with intent, as did most of the populace. The bard had a set of bells on her iPhone er i mean Lute and jingled them near the cat.

Every once in awhile a player self imposes a check of some type for role playing purposes. Usually a will check to resist something.

So now the cat has to make will saves vs bells (and probably ball of wool gollems)

So the new troupe decide to head to the Ikardi tent Tavern for some Mongolian. Food is purchased and more bells are rung for the cat to play with.

Waiter: The fish for the day is trout a la creme.
Cat: Fish

So the last change over is Xena the barbarian to an elven Mage.

It is easy to introduce the players to a mage, especially an elven one. Like the cat the elf sticks out like a sore thumb. Even more so the robe, book and constant sipping at wine shows her to possibly be of the arcane arts.

The party had some magical items to identify and the Mage had the right stuff.

Finally the last part of the game for the day was figuring out what to do next.
natural 20 on the gather info roll.

* The kingdom guard were attempting to send out a secret vessel to sea as a trap for the pirates to try and figure out where they live.
* Some of the Ikardi slaves have been going missing during the nights and not many people have reported them.
* Finally a bunch of well dressed, nobilish bandits have been seen on the road north.

Ding, ding, ding Noble bandits win the quest award.

Tune in next time for Elite DnD gamer girls

Better be David Bowie

Better be David Bowie

So it is now the continuation of the goblin massacre. This is a longer blog than i expected, they can some how turn a boring dungeon crawl into fun.

Starting this session out its important to understand the group has no clerics or even healing of any type (potions etc). So the poor half-orc warrior started the session on a measly 4 hit points and a goblin still strapped to her chest.

I personally believe you do not need a cleric in a party, but you do need healing. As a GM you should have ample healing pots and other devices to help the party not rely on the cleric’s ability to heal. The thing is even if you do have a cleric, the party should not turn the role of a cleric into a heal bot. So the level of heal pots and stuff shouldn’t be lessened at all. Tis a frustrating game for a cleric when you have quite good spells only to have them turned into heals because the low armoured rogue gets caught in melee and being whacked like a red headed step child*.

But there are some issues to deal with...

Dorf (Scottish): All right that’s it, we had enough o your crap if you want our continued help we want a cut of the payout.
Bard: Ok...good bye then.
Dorf (Scottish): (blinks)...(Walks of in a huff)

So the rogue has slotted herself into the scout for the party, very normal thing to happen. Problem is this rogue tends to put her fingers in her ears*. So the rogue successfully sneaks around the corner in the mine to see a goblin lieutenant and his minions waiting for the party. Problem is she failed sneaking back and even more so failed horribly hearing them follow her back to the party.

Combat ensues...

The goblin leader attempts to throw an explody potion at the party but instead throws a healing pot at the party.

Gretchin the half orc uses a goblin attached to a rope as a weapon, fails and knocks the goblin out.

Xena pummels on goblins with much fervour.
Valhalla the rogue with pinpoint accuracy puts crossbow bolts into the roof.
Singhourney ...well...sings.

So here is where the group dynamics tell you there are too many ovaries in the group.

The goblin leader remained as did one single goblin armed with a stick. The leader forced the goblin with a stick to stop the players while he did a runner.

So I make an action of holding a stick to the party, give the look of sheer terror on my face and shake my arms a little.

I get a collective ...awwww.

So not wanting to kill the poor goblin he instead becomes tied to the other end of Gretchins rope.

More sneaking, this time hearing the enemy. The goblin lieutenant had gathered more troops to face the party.

In an effort to try and disguise herself as a goblin the Bard decides to make a goblin skin suit.
(It rub the lotion on its skin or ekse gets the hose).
Failing the disguise the bard then uses the suit to terrorize the goblins up ahead.

It didn't work so well though.

The following battle became rather crucial in learning near death experiences for the party.

The barbarian charged the line of goblins and the leader. Being rather hurt already so despite the fact she caused massive damage to the group she also went down from sheer mass of enemies. Luckily before they went down they managed to kill the leader reducing their chances of morale.

The half orc tried to use the two goblins on the rope as a Living Bolas.

Despite the fact they took out the leader of the group the goblins were in quite the blood frenzy and continued the attack.

Luckily the Bard and rogue managed to figure out which way to hold their cross bows and managed to score successive excellent (Queue guitar) hits. In fact this battle was the first critical hit scored by the party.

Battle ends, much looting ensues and the goblin lieutenant contains some 4 healing potions and a couple of explody potions.

This represented the end of the mine before the players descended into the goblin lair.

Ergo...DING!! Level 2

Levelling up does not grant maximum hit points you MMO junkies. But it does provide extra hit points based on the new level you attain. The barbarian scored an excellent roll of 12 on her hit point dice and is quite the beefy hit point total overall. Everyone else scored reasonably well in that area.

So after some levelling they actually had the bard be useful by obtaining a cure light wounds sing song. The rogue gained evade and learned the value of such a skill and finally the orc started on the path to become the “Whirl wind of DOOM!!”

The party then faced what would the biggest goblin force of them all. They were facing goblins intend on not letting them in. Two leaders were in this group as well as goblins with spears and goblins with slings (Previously it was sticks and rocks, now its sticks with pointy thing on end and rock thrown from a bit of cloth/leather).

The bard and rogue let loose with explody potions.

Orc charge the battle line slaying copious amounts of goblins.

The goblins retaliate and surround the orc and she goes down again by sheer weight of numbers.
The bard drags the orc out of combat and healers her up.
The barbarian also charges the line with her battle cry and slays a goblin leader.
The barbarian also gets surrounded and eventually goes down.
The half orc slays more goblins and then goes down.
The bard and rogue collectively manage to finish of enough goblins including the remaining leader to force them to go into hiding.

Lots of stabilization rolls occur. The barbarian manages to stabilize at -9 hp, sometimes rage isn’t that great.

All this and its only 9.30pm

So the bard has only one heal already used, all 4 healing potions are also used. The half orc and barbarian are unconscious. The bard and rogue all bruised and battered from rocks. It is time to retreat and gather their wits.

So they drag the two mighty warriors and their equipment back to the entrance of the mine where the Human miners and two dwarves are sitting.

Dorf: HAH!! Couldn’t handle the goblins I see, pity I wasn’t expecting you not to come out at all.
Bard: Common you guys, you have to have medical supplies for our friends.
Dorf: Not bloody likely.
Bard: (Starts to enter tents to find medical supplies)
Dorf: Hey you, thats right you, get our of yee tents
Bard: (Ignores dorfs and continues to search)
Dorf: ALRIGHT!! THATS IT!! im gunna cut you...

So yes the life of the party is in the hands of a bard, who doesn't like the dorfs.

Rogue: Wait...STOP!!
Dorf: (Stops eyeing of the bard for his axe)
Rogue: Dont you know the Barbarian of legend, thee who could strike down mighty a goblin in the 100's, and dont you know about the half orc of infamy who roped goblins into a throwing weapon, surly they are worthy of saving.
Dorf: (Considers...ponders) ALL RIGHT!! ill get em on their feet then you can get the hell out of here, dont want to see you ever again.

So the party decide to wander of a distance that's close enough to watch the miner camp to see if they get attacked and then come in at the end looting all the dead bodies.

(It brought a tear to my eye...loot whores)

So the party admits they need something more to continue on, even if it be a rest to get back to full hit points.

Heading back to town they decide its worth resting up a few days.

While they were resting up they did some information gathering.

The dorfs and human miners abandoned their camp and headed back to town, no doubt to tell the guy with the money how badly treated they were by the party.

They also find out about 3 days into their rest that another group of adventurers has taken up the quest.

So not quite fully rested they decide they will leave the next day so they can complete the quest before the others do.

But it was going to be tricky, the half-orc needed at least 3 more days of rest and they knew they were about to face the goblin tribe shaman and David bowie*

They confronted the man who wanted the goblins gone.

So when we had character creation we went with the option of the players becoming a team as a bunch of traveling minstrels. So for this reason i allowed all players to have perform as a class skill.

Not really thinking much of it, it came to light the Half Orc had 3 ranks in Perform

In comedy

Gretchen Hurt Bad
Gretchen quite Sad
Don't make Gretchen mad
Discount rates and health potions would be rad
would make Gretchen glad

the result of such brilliant comedy that out of the 1500 gold offered first time around (500 a piece) he offered them instead 500 overall and a wand of cure light wounds.

So this is where the bard and almost the party comes undone.

Valhalla: I don't care about the overall total as long as i get my 250
Gretchen: Yeah as long as I get my cut
Xena: Yeah me to
Singhourney: (Panics)...I'm not paying you rogue
Valhalla: If you dont pay me then there is no point in helping you out
Singhourney: Ok...good bye then.
GM: (Blinks)

Eventually they come to an agreement of an even split of everything.

So with all of that sorted the merry band of adventurers head back to the goblins lair.

They make their way to the goblin lair entrance and meet some resistance but they perform quite well and take them out without to much hurt.

They come to another 4 way intersection and decide to use their tried and true anti goblin tactics, sheer terror.

The Barbarian charges left and the Half Orc charges right...the Half Orc trips and stumbles on her intimidate roll.

The two warriors charge around the corner and...

The GM puts on the look of pitiful goblin children and women.

The two charging warriors stop dead in their tracks and collective "Awwwww!!" comes from the party and then, and it wasn't even me who said it, "Curse our ovaries".

So they debate on what to do, as they debate more and more the plight of the goblin women and children worsen.

The outcome is that if the Goblins treasure is shit they will come back and slaughter the women and children.

(Loot whores)

The final show down

Several better armed goblins were being backed up by the goblin leader (a.k.a David bowie) and the tribes shaman.

To sum it up some of the following things occurred

"Cleave some bitches" (I think from the half orc)
"Suck it shaman" (Also from half orc)
"Going to bone him to death..."

The shaman cast a call lightning spell and did some serious work on the party. But the Bard succeeded in using a charm person spell on the goblin leader.

With the goblin leader charmed the combat became relatively easy. The shaman provided a challenge but they focused their attacks on him and took him down.

The party triumphs and the clears the goblin mine.

*This event may or may not of happened :P

Dungeons and Dragons 101

I am a big fan of not making the party know each other from the start. The best way to do this is give all the players a reason for being in the location and the generic reason for joining up.

As an adventurer you know you cannot do it alone despite how good you may be, you need others. In most taverns the adventurers stick out like sore thumbs, or at least set up the tavern to make that obvious. So a dock side tavern that mainly full of sailors, merchants and common labourers means that a Xena looking barbarian, a half orc warrior and a half elf bard kinda stick out. The rogue on the other hand being human and a rogue would not try to stick out. But since the rogue has the same goals she would watch the others to see if they are worthy of her partnership.

Truth of the matter is you don't actually need to set the scene up for most groups. You could have 100 adventurers in a room and the players would single themselves out by doing something out of the ordinary (Or any other related word that doesn't call them stupid :P).

The bard will always sing some sort of song and immediately everyone knows your a bard, despite the fact you could be some minstrel pleb.

The barbarian and/or warrior will always pick a fight (So what if i started it).

The rogue will generally pick some ones pocket (Though didn't happen this time).

So the bard being the talking and information magnet See's the two separate warriors and lures them with the promise of shineys.
She then attempts to look around for a quest and meets a dark mysterious stranger who out of no where grew long and whiskey stereo typical moustache related to old Asian men (wasn't my intention to have them have this but it looks cool so it came to be)
With much berating from the bard he finally offers a hefty sum to clear out some goblins from his local mine. He kinda didn't expect them to return alive.

The bard managed to get 500 gold per player (1500gp) not including the rogue. Told the two warriors it was 500 in total reward and then offered the rogue 250 gold for her part. All in seperate conversations mind you.

So the split goes
Warrior: 165ish
Barbarian: 165ish
Rogue: 250
Bard: 915ish

Lets she if she can pull it of next gaming session.

The rogue seeing all this take place suspected the bard had a group, an adventure and intercepted the bard to offer her services.

So the group head of to the mines to clear out the goblins.

I didn't plan any encounters along the way. So the Barbarian decided to kill a pig in the near by farms for food (mind you no skill in preparing the pig so its a dead carcass across the shoulders bleeding out everywhere, entrails running all over her body...)

The players reach the camp positioned outside the mine where they meet a group of human miners and two, soon to regret being here, dwarfs.

The conversations kinda went like this.

Dwarfs: Your crap, how you going to clear the goblins.
Bard: If you help us we can succeed together.
Dwarfs: You have a stinking half breed orc amongst you, besides your being paid for this so you go do your job. I'm gunna take your stuff when your dead.
Bard: How are you going to take my stuff when your to wimpy to even go kill the goblins.
Dwarfs: (Anger)
Group: You Dwarfs are to wimpy to take on the goblins.
Dwarfs: (Anger)

The night comes to a close and the party sets a watch (Except the bard who needed beauty sleep and the Half orc who accepted 10 shineys to take her watch)

The rogues watch close to the morning proved to be the most entertaining.
Utilizing the leet skills of the sneak she managed to detect goblins within the immediate entrance of the mines without herself giving away her position.

The problem was she woke the others.

Loosing the element of surprise they decide it was almost morning and getting back to sleep was fruitless and decided to go into the mine.

Some minor trap was detected

A couple of goblins were dispatched, the rogue taking one out with a cross bow and the barbarian screaming up the hall and makes goblin paste against the wall with the giant two handed sword.

At first intersection
Dwarfs: Here you go you crap adventurers
Bard: If you help us we can succeed together.
Dwarfs: Not bloody likely
Barbarian: If you don't come with us i am gunna GUT you.
Dwarfs: ...
(I rolled a 1 here)

So the party comes to realize the half orc can see really well in the dark and could possibly sneak around and get goblins by surprise. So to reduce the penalties of such an endeavour the Female half-orc takes of her chain mail bikini (Shirt)

Que in jokes about nudity in the dark caves with the physic of a half orc.

Some goblins drag a heavy cross bow up to a barricade they had prepared and scored a decent hit on the nekkid half-orc (its kinda dark).

The rest of the party make more goblin paste

The party comes to another intersection and expected the goblins to be lying in ambush around the corners. So the two warriors use their intimidating presence and charge around the corners.

After a bloody battle and lots of goblin paste the party defeats 9 of the 10 goblins.

One of the goblins manages to run away but only to come to a dead end. The barbarian tries unsuccessfully grab the goblin to interrogate him. Eventually the Half orc succeeds and grabs the small goblin. After much interrogation, threats of being eaten, threat of having a coin removed from its ass (yes it would require it to be inserted first) the goblin finally relented and told them there were lots of goblins in the lair and it was that way (pointing).

Then it was promptly tied to the chest of the Half orc.

Tune in next time for the further adventures of the Elite DnD Gamer Girls

Something wicked this way comes

So some simple facts about this group to start you of.

I have been playing/GMing for 20 odd years.
The 4 girls have various experience in roleplaying games but none of them have played DnD or only played 1 session. As far as i know the actual roleplaying experience is low for all involved.

Thats right, they are NOOBS

A comment came up and it something that has been repeated before in my time. Why would some one with as much GMing experience as i want to run with a bunch of noobs.

2 reasons realy

There all hotties.

Secondly
I actually find those who dont know the rules, or the stats, or the equipment you can get are the most amount of fun. Everything is new, they dont try and poleaxe (or other appropriate power gamer phrase) the system as experienced players tend to do. They try things out with less fear of knowing if its right or wrong and generaly have more fun interacting with each other and the NPC's more than worrying about a 16 or an 18 in strength.

Except when we forget the two NPC dwarves in the group.

So the Cast of characters.

Ill start with Singhourny Spellweaver the Bard, the player in this position is the friend who linked me to this group. Sicne i have known her she cops more of my ire than anyone else.

Well Singhourney mission in life is to find any song that either matches a bard singing ability or spell. Examples like Blinded by the light for the Light spell, Simple the best/We are the champions/ for the courage song

Next is the Rogue of the group. Valhalla Hawkwind. Valhalla currently represents the quietest of the group. But when i say quietest it does not translate to quiet. But everyone else bring more attention to themselves which is quite handy for a rogue.

The, "Pop culture hasn't influenced my Life" Character is Xena the Barbarian. The thing about dnd is it isn't always fighting, generally the rogue and bard will do the talking or investigating (In this group) meaning the fighters of the group have to find their own entertainment that doesn't require many skill rolls. Ins aying that when you have only a couple of skills to choose from almost all of them take Intimidate and learn early how much fun the skill is.

Xena is the providor of food, even if its in an uncooked format and still bleeding with entrails hanging out of it (poor piggy wiggy).

Last but not least (And i do truely mean that) The Female Half orc Fighter Gretchin. All i can say is imagine an ugly female who isn't over concerned with modesty with a goblin tied to her chest.

Ok so some of my tips for creating characters for NOOBS.

• Dont make them buy their equipment, just give them the items they would start of with.
• Give them their feats to help them along. give a couple options if required but it goes quicker if you help them out and let them learn as they go.
• Give them their spells if they have them
• Of all of the above once they start to understand and learn allow them to make changes afterwards

Next DnD 101